With the stresses of modern life, it isn’t always easy to nurture deep, meaningful connections with others. In fact, research shows that Americans today are more disconnected from their family, friends, and neighbors than ever before. It indicates that people are meeting with their friends less often than ever, and are even spending less time with their own families. And even though we’re interacting with more people on daily basis, we’re unable to cultivate healthy, lasting relationships with most of them.

Individualism, because it promotes oneself over a sense of community, has often been seen as a hindrance to the development of healthy interpersonal relationships. The decline in healthy connections between Americans, it seems, is accompanied with a rise in individualism. According to research discussed in USA Today, American society has increasingly been focused on the self since the 1960s. There has been a greater emphasis on the uniqueness and greatness of individuals, indicating a constant rise in individualism in American society.

If you’re ready to overcome this focus on yourself, and to reconnect with others to make a positive change, Sadhguru’s advice will provide guidance and help you improve your relationships. Below, Sadhguru explains the nature of relationships, why issues arise, and how you can create beautiful relationships:

“There are many types of relationships that you hold in your life. There are neighbours, friends, wives, husbands, children, parents, siblings, lovers; there are people who hate each other, everything is a relationship. Fundamentally, all relationships in your life have come up because you have certain needs to fulfill—physical, mental, emotional, social, financial and so on. You try to establish a certain type of relationship to fulfill whatever kind of need you have. If that need is not fulfilled, that relationship cannot be.

Today, our lives have become complex and we are constantly shifting from one type of relationship to another. One moment you are on the phone with your business partner and the next moment you are talking to your wife. Life is like this. It is constantly shifting. If you treat your wife like you treat your business partner, immediately you are in trouble. If you treat your business partner like your wife again you are in trouble. So, it needs constant juggling to keep these relationships going. It all depends on how many balls you picked up for juggling. If you just had one, it would be easy. But you have picked up ten so now juggling is complex. You don’t want to drop any one of them because if any one of them fall, a part of your life will fall apart. So you want to juggle all the ten balls at the same time. When you are juggling ten balls, can you think of anything else?

There is another way to exist experientially where one can exist without any relationships. One is so complete within himself that it does not matter. But right now, for most people, the quality of their relationships decides the quality of their life. So let’s see how we can have the most beautiful relationship, every moment of our lives, wherever we are. If you look at it, you are trying to somehow make yourself happy by building different types of relationships and doing different types of activities. You make friends, you get married, you have children, you start businesses—you do everything—because somewhere you believe this will bring you happiness. You built all these relationships in pursuit of happiness. Or in other words, somewhere you are trying to squeeze some happiness out of people. Once you do this, relationships will be a constant trouble. You cannot do without it, you cannot do with it. There is no sense of joy or happiness within you, and you are trying to extract it from somebody, and that person is trying to extract it from you. This is bound to become a battle.

If relationships have to be really beautiful, it is very important that a human being turns inward and looks at himself in a very deep way before he looks at somebody else. If you become a source of joy by yourself and your relationships are about sharing your joy, not squeezing joy out of somebody, then you would have wonderful relationships with anybody. Is there anybody in the world who would have any problem with you if you are going there to share your joy with them? No. You are trying to extract joy from them, that is where the problem is. Relationships have become a problem because we are not using it to enhance our lives. We are trying to fill the gaps in our lives with relationships.

If your relationship is about extracting something out of somebody, it does not matter how much you manage, there will be constant trouble. If your relationship was an offering to the person who is next to you right now, then everything would be fantastic.”

By keeping Sadhguru’s wise words in mind, you will be able to create deeper and more meaningful relationships with others.

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POSTED IN:Relationships
  1. Frank Perez Reply
    All I can think of to say is THANK YOU : )
  2. Mary Reply
    I am a point where I really don't need people around all the time. I find it hard to listen to there complaints. They talk too much. I have nothing to say. I prefer silence. Except for children, they don't drag me down. I'm wondering if this is just a part of my growth. When I grow stronger I will be able to tolerate more of this nonsense they talk?
    • mike Reply
      it's all part of the mad rush to the heralded magic of information which is evident in techno-serfdom, an extension of the new subservience to power on earth. You know the truth of the primal force. Hold to it in gratitude and be thankful and happy with the few drops of rain in the desert.
    • Michael Reply
      Mary, I agree with you. My opinion is that it is important to find other adults who share your passions or are working on themselves through action. Look for those people that inspire you and that you admire. Spend time with them in stead of those that complain. That helps me.
    • Mary Reply
      To Mary,(from Mary)When I read your comment I thought I had written it! Very similar experience for me for many years now. In a couple months I will be 70. In the past 15-20 years I realized I needed/wanted more from myself and life. Unknowingly I became a seeker. After some learning from Masters, the enlightened ones, I naturally stopped talking. Silence is very comfortable. I lived alone but didn't feel alone. Interests changed. Became a grandmother seven years ago and realized that babies and children are the best company! Yes, so much nonsense is falling out of the mouth of most people, including myself when I fall down. But then realizing I lost myself again, I can easily return to myself. Tolerance of myself and others is becoming easy, because I know I can return to the bliss I feel inside. Now that Sadhguru is part of "me" I fall less.
  3. Anna Maria Reply
    This is very powerful. Sadguru's discourse gave me an "ah-ha" moment! Namaskaram! Love, Anna
  4. Luis Reply
    Mary, others never "drag" us down. Our ego makes it so we are dragged here and there. Think of our emotions like giant balloons hovering over us. They lead us one way or another because our ego is attached to them. We may be attached to them with strings or thick cords, as we are pulled towards a "happier" state or an "angrier," etc. But at the end of the day, these feelings that temporarily drag us here and there are just creations, manifestations if you will, of an ego that distracts us from our inner Selves. The first step towards realizing that beautiful inner Self that you really are, the One that brings you permanent peace instead of fleeting emotions of ego is to let go of the balloons (respect them of course by observing them and their nature - not dwelling in them, but knowing that they're there to teach a lesson) and look to yourself and others that we are all awakening, at our own pace and stage, compassionately. That compassion will be your true showing of strength. And you will know this to be true then. I hope that helps.
  5. Kamala Reply
    I really enjoyed reading Sadhguru's advice and will try my best to put it into daily life. Pranams.
  6. Sandy Reply
    What Sadhguru says sounds so simple and obvious. I find it difficult to remind myself to remember the simplicity and live in it. Generally, I feel drained by others, even my family at times. The times of real joy for me are those with my grandchildren. They make me remember the joy and excitement of each new moment and experience as I see these things flood across their faces.
  7. Neena Julka Reply
    As always, Sadhguru explains so clearly & simply, how we can improve all our relationships by sharing our joy, rather than "squeezing it from others". The essence, as I understand, is giving rather than grabbing! Absolutely true. Thank you Sadhguru.
  8. k.nagendiran Reply
  9. Claudio Beck Reply
    Wise words to common people is a glorious gift. Instantly I find myself trying to find joy inside me to discover that there might be little of it. In fact I might be looking towards the wrong direction. Love from São Paulo, Brasil.
  10. Ki Reply
    I think there is a lot of truth to what Sadhguru says here. I've certainly begun the process of looking inward. This entire past year has been a deepening of watching my thoughts and feelings, and then not compulsively letting them decide my next step. I find myself so often losing the gravity of this idea (attempts to fill the needs/gaps in our life by taking from others). Even if I recognize that I am being selfish and looking for something from another, in that moment it is hard to feel anything different (hard to know where else to turn when the need is still there). I don't yet experience the completeness that Sadhguru talks about yet, and it is a little frustrating to wonder when that may happen, or what practices more need to be done. In any case, I'm happy to see it at all.
  11. Mridusmita Datta Reply
    Thank you ..... Your words reensures our basic value of selfless service. May you bless us to move towards the path.
  12. julia Reply
    So refreshing to hear the truth clearly stated! It is so true that we get disappointed, sad, and heart-broken when we depend on or expect joy, achieving our happiness from others... I see that all the time with my friends. I am now in peace with myself since I expect nothing from others to make me happy. I appreciate family and others who can share, give, enjoy, and contribute to my happiness.
  13. Pingback: Inner Engineering How to Improve Relationships - Inner Engineering

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