All too often, the age old vow of “‘til death do us part” refuses to hold true. In fact, according to Utah State University researchers, 40%-50% of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce or permanent separation. Even many unmarried couples who stay together for a long time never truly experience lasting love. Not surprisingly, one of the most common complaints among couples today is that they’ve fallen out of love and don’t feel chemistry with their partners anymore. But why do people really fall out of love? And is it possible to fall back in?
There are several underlying reasons for why couples lose interest in each other or fall out of love. According to Dr. Guy Winch, author of the bestselling relationship book The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, the three most common reasons people fall out of are: letting their fears dictate their actions; lack of communication between partners; and personality changes. He elaborates that sometimes the fear of being hurt in the future can cause us to distance ourselves from our partners. In other cases, it’s refusing to confront and discuss any relationship problems that can cause couples to lose interest in each other. Research shows that couples who voice their complaints and discuss their issues are more satisfied in their marriage than those who do not. The last reason, according to Dr. Winch, is the change within the people in the relationship. Over time, people change – or rather become who they really are. This kind of change can either be sustained or it will lead to the fallout of the relationship.
People often ask Sadhguru for his insight on how they can strengthen their relationships with their significant others. Below, we’ve shared Sadhguru’s wisdom on why people fall out of love and how they can prevent it:
“Very often, we find that two people who come together out of love grow apart as the years go by. Why does this happen? Let’s say you planted a coconut tree and a mango tree in your garden when they were young saplings, and they were the same height. You thought they would get along pretty well, a great love affair! And if both of them remained stunted and never grew, they would remain compatible. But if both of them grow to their full potential, they will grow to different heights, shapes and possibilities.
If you are looking for sameness between two people, the relationship will always fall apart. After all, a man and a woman come together because they are different. So it is the differences that brought you together, and the differences may become starker and more manifest as one grows. Unless you learn to enjoy the differences as you grow, falling apart or growing apart will naturally happen. If you are expecting both people to grow in the same direction and in the same way, that is unfair to both people. It will curtail and suffocate both of their lives. Whether you fall apart in years, in months or in days simply depends on how fast you are growing.
This whole expectation that the person who partners with you should be just like you is a sure way to destroy a relationship. It is a sure way to destroy the garden. Allow, nurture and enjoy the differences between you and your partner. Otherwise, the situation will be maintained in such a way where one person is compulsively dependent upon the other, or both people are compulsively dependent upon each other.”
How will Sadhguru’s insight help you improve your relationships? Tell us in the comments below!