Couple on Beach


All too often, the age old vow of “‘til death do us part” refuses to hold true. In fact, according to Utah State University researchers, 40%-50% of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce or permanent separation. Even many unmarried couples who stay together for a long time never truly experience lasting love. Not surprisingly, one of the most common complaints among couples today is that they’ve fallen out of love and don’t feel chemistry with their partners anymore. But why do people really fall out of love? And is it possible to fall back in?

There are several underlying reasons for why couples lose interest in each other or fall out of love. According to Dr. Guy Winch, author of the bestselling relationship book The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, the three most common reasons people fall out of are: letting their fears dictate their actions; lack of communication between partners; and personality changes. He elaborates that sometimes the fear of being hurt in the future can cause us to distance ourselves from our partners. In other cases, it’s refusing to confront and discuss any relationship problems that can cause couples to lose interest in each other. Research shows that couples who voice their complaints and discuss their issues are more satisfied in their marriage than those who do not. The last reason, according to Dr. Winch, is the change within the people in the relationship. Over time, people change – or rather become who they really are. This kind of change can either be sustained or it will lead to the fallout of the relationship.

People often ask Sadhguru for his insight on how they can strengthen their relationships with their significant others. Below, we’ve shared Sadhguru’s wisdom on why people fall out of love and how they can prevent it:

“Very often, we find that two people who come together out of love grow apart as the years go by. Why does this happen? Let’s say you planted a coconut tree and a mango tree in your garden when they were young saplings, and they were the same height. You thought they would get along pretty well, a great love affair! And if both of them remained stunted and never grew, they would remain compatible. But if both of them grow to their full potential, they will grow to different heights, shapes and possibilities.

If you are looking for sameness between two people, the relationship will always fall apart. After all, a man and a woman come together because they are different. So it is the differences that brought you together, and the differences may become starker and more manifest as one grows. Unless you learn to enjoy the differences as you grow, falling apart or growing apart will naturally happen. If you are expecting both people to grow in the same direction and in the same way, that is unfair to both people. It will curtail and suffocate both of their lives. Whether you fall apart in years, in months or in days simply depends on how fast you are growing.

This whole expectation that the person who partners with you should be just like you is a sure way to destroy a relationship. It is a sure way to destroy the garden. Allow, nurture and enjoy the differences between you and your partner. Otherwise, the situation will be maintained in such a way where one person is compulsively dependent upon the other, or both people are compulsively dependent upon each other.”

How will Sadhguru’s insight help you improve your relationships? Tell us in the comments below!


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POSTED IN:Relationships
  1. Nancy Reply
    Gee...these things sound very familiar. I have tried to adopt these principles as my own post-divorce. I felll away from it because I did not have space from the rotten roots of my old relationship. However, I have maintained that separate individuals but coming together as a third entity is my own goal surrounding relationships. It feeds growth and growth is good. Yet, one MUST CLARIFY things from the past in order to move through it and grow. Otherwise...shadows and hurt fester andn it eats away at trust and love. Grow with me...but we must, as humans, review our past in order to learn from it; or we are destined to repeat our errors.
  2. geetah Reply
    I fully understand about 2 different people with different everything coming together. But isn't marriage or any relationship about loyalty and trust and shouldn't that be a foundation in a relationship? I feel it should. From the first day Cheating, lying, controlling, abusing, taking advantage, neglecting obviously isn't a different character, it's just so wrong for a person who wants a partner and kids in life. I had still stayed and tried my best but he had stopped communicating and lives in his own world in the same house. I have followed suit. Kids have become only mine so to say. But I feel I am born here in this world to do these duties with love and if some one says he doesn't need my love, so be it. I will just continue my love for my kids and myself. Financially I hope and pray and also save and I am contented. Although I am human and the desire to have a normal family always comes and goes. I am learning to accept things as it is but I don't want to give all of myself to something which will harm me so as that my kids will not have me one day. God bless all! Thanks Geetah
    • nancy Reply
      Yes, Geetah...sometimes,as human beings, we are caught up in an unhealthy situation. I feel it is of the up most importance to have open and honest communication. I am sad to hear of your empty relationship. True friendship is what love is based on. In true friendship there is compassion and and respect...honesty and openness... Yet, if we are not a friend to ourselves first,or if we do not respect boundaries, if there is lying and is not conducive to growth in any capacity. It is certainly not a fertile ground for children to grow from either. It sets a terrible example for them. They emulate. Children follow us on our path to learn morality and learn...well, to learn how to be a person in every capacity. It is our job to give them a loving environment in which to grow. Cold and distant...abuse, lying, silent not a good example to set...they will grow up to find the same, or worse... I wish you only love and peace...unconditionally. May you find your path more fertile and loving...May you each find a spiritual cleansing full of growth, hope and love, openness and honesty,compassion and mercy...may you reunite with the love you dream of. It is real and it is there for your discovery when you are both ready. You each need to walk your path, is all. Walk on...head high...Walk on, independently with hope in anticipation that one day you may cross paths again... Spiritual connections are rare...When they happen, they are real and right(even when they are somewhat hidden and possibly not created from the best of circumstances...). Spiritual, soulful, connections rise above the fray...they cut through the nonsense. They are felt-deeply and they are fully able to cleanse and reunite if the effort is made. : ) What will be, will be. What is real always was and always will be. May you love yourself as God loves us all. In honoring and respecting oneself, we honor and respect God, each other and, most importantly, our children. Peace- : ) Nancy
  3. Ananthi Mathur Reply
    People cheating in relationship just because they find someone more beautiful girl or handsome guy. Or Find someone more financial strong Or Lack of physical intimacy in relationship these will the main important reasons people cheat in relationship.
  4. amol joshi Reply
    he biggest reason for cheating is a lack of emotional connection or the feeling that you’re not appreciated by your partner as much as you deserve. Anyone could resort to cheating as a way to getting everything they lack where they are person even if it means going out of the relationship to achieve that. From an evolutionary perspective, a tendency for an individual to commit an infidelity stems from an attempt to increase the reproductive success at the expense of their partners.

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