Marriage grew out of a need to secure the granting of property rights and protect bloodlines. It centered on creating social stability. Earlier marriages were often arranged marriages and seen as a strategic alliance between families and countries. Polygamy was also common throughout history. Monogamy for Western marriages evolved between the sixth and ninth centuries.
Around 250 years ago, love matches became more dominant. As the transition from an agricultural to an industrial economy progressed, love became more of a factor when choosing a spouse. However, women were not yet able to paint their own role in a marriage. They were dependent upon their husbands for support, could not make decisions concerning community property, and basically were stigmatized with the label of homemakers. It was only about fifty years ago that the notion that marriage is a partnership of equals became established. Men and women now, in many countries, can have equal roles within the marriage: both partners can work, maintain the household, and raise the children.
Yet in today’s society, is marriage necessary? Do we all need to pin this as a life goal as so many did years ago? Sadhguru helps us understand the institution of marriage.
Sadhguru: You need to understand the institution of marriage. One aspect of it is about bringing a certain sanctity to the simple basic needs that every human being has. There are physical needs, psychological needs, economic needs, emotional needs, and social needs – a variety of needs. To fulfill all these needs, we set up an institution called marriage, where all this can be conducted in a sensible manner. Marriage is to bring some organization, some aesthetic, some stability, because man and woman coming together naturally used to bring fresh life.
The nature of human life, the nature of human offspring, is such that – because of the possibilities that a human being carries compared to any other creature – it is the most helpless life and needs the maximum amount of support. You could leave a puppy on the street. As long as it gets food, it grows up into a good dog. But not so with human beings – they need not just physical support but a variety of supports, and above all, a stable situation. When they are 18, they will debate whether they should get married or not because the physical body is asking for freedom. At that time, everyone questions if marriage is really needed and whether we can just live whichever way we want. But when you were three years of age, you valued a stable marriage immensely, isn’t it so? Not yours – your parents’.
When you were three, four years of age, you were 100 percent for marriage. When you become 45, 50, again you are 100 percent for marriage. Between 18 and 35, you are questioning the whole institution.
If, at the time when the physical body is dominant, you give in to it, you will question every institution. This is hormone-fired freedom. Your intelligence has been hijacked by hormones so you question the fundamentals of everything. I am not saying marriage is the thing, but do you have a better alternative? We have not come up with a better alternative because a stable situation is a must for a child.
If your whims and fancies change, if your emotions change, do not get into such situations. It is neither compulsory nor is it necessary for everyone to get married and have children. But if you get into it, and especially if you have children, you must understand, it is a minimum 20-year project. That is if they do well. If they don’t do well, it is a lifelong project. If you want to get into such projects, at least 20 years, there must be a commitment to create a stable situation. Otherwise you should not get into such projects. Do not get into a project, drop it halfway, and walk away.
If you do not like that, do not start the project. Go for short-term projects. They have their benefits and they have their problems. It is your choice, but at least choose consciously. You do not have to get married because everyone else is getting married. You do not have to talk about marriage and divorce in the same breath as if they come together. No one thought of divorce in this country until recently.
If it so happens something went entirely wrong between two people, there is no way to fix it and they have to separate, it is unfortunate but it happens. You do not have to plan it at the time of wedding.
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